There’s one thing I know for sure: marriage is such a powerful institution that the enemy uses a number of means to get us to believe it is what it isn’t. With rising divorce rates, we see that he’s truly wants nothing more than to destroy them all.
We want to dispel those lies. Marriage is sacred and it works. It was designed to flourish, create, and produce! It’s such a potent unity that it was one of the enemy’s first targets in the Garden. That being said, here are some lies that I’ve we’ve believed in our marriage and others have believed as well that we hope will speak life into those who still function under these lies today.
Lie: No one else goes through what we’re going through.
While I was never a believer in this, I still didn’t approach our issues correctly. Because I knew that we were going through something that other people had gone through before us, I approached the issue passively.
“Its all good, babe. We’re not the only ones going through this. It’s normal.”
Truth: The bible says that there is no new thing under the sun. It’s been done before and it’ll happen again. This is the beauty of community, that sometimes, you see that your issues arent unique. That you’re not alone. However, this doesn’t make your issue “normal.” Don’t ignore it on the basis of normal. Do your marriage a favor and actively work to get on the other side of that hurdle.
Lie: Marriage is nothing more than a contract. A piece of paper.
Accept this this lie and you’ll ensure that selfishness is the basis if your marriage. A contract is only valid as long as both parties are fulfilling their obligatory duties. As soon as one person defaults on their agreement, the contract is void and neither is expected or obligated to continue with the agreement.
A marriage “under contract” is a selfish marriage. It’s one where I’ll only fulfill my role and responsibilities as your spouse as long as you’re doing the same. This is nowhere near realistic.
Truth:As a spouse, your duty will sometimes mean that you have to be the sustainer of the relationship. Sometimes, your spouse will need your strength and your prayers. The worst thing you can do for your spouse when they’re lacking in some area is to cease treating them with love, respect, and honor.
God created marriage to be a covenant – a binding promise to Him and to your spouse that you will see through to end (as long as your safe and there isn’t any imminent danger in your marriage); something we will give of ourselves for, be intimate for, fight for, because we promised each other, before God, that our marriage is our baby and we as such, we will nurture it and care for it unconditionally. For the long haul.
“Real love desires permanence.”
Lie: The best marriages are between two people who are fully realized.
Let me tell you something.. I think 99% of us have been guilty of accepting this lie. And a great lie it is. This says that unless I’m at the peak of my career, with this much money saved up, with this car, have my own home, with my ministry booming, and everything is perfectly lined up, I’m not ready to get married. And I expect my spouse to be in the same place.
Truth: Accept this lie and you’re denying one of the fundamental truths of the institution of marriage – to be a vehicle in getting your spouse to become fully realized in everything God designed them to be.
“When looking for their spouse, many are looking for a finished state when they should be looking for a wonderful block of marble.“
This makes marriage so beautiful. You get to not only play a part of but be a witness in someone you’ve dedicated your life to become the best version of themselves. It’s amazing!
Lie: Sex should just come naturally.
While sex is natural and even beautiful, it doesn’t always just happen naturally. This is true for a number of reasons: one spouse almost always has a higher sex drive than the other, different views on sex, current status of the narriage. It is true that most women need to connect intimately and emotionally to want to engage in sex. On the flip side, men want to feel that we desire them if they’re to fully enjoy sex.
Truth: Sex – better yet, enjoyable sex – takes work. Meet your spouse’s emotional needs not to win with an end game of sex but because you want to love your spouse wholly. Sex that you’ll both enjoy will inevitably be a result of loving intentionally.
Lie: It’s my responsibility to change my spouse.
This has levels. Some things you can mention to your spouse out of just being a good, responsible spouse. For example, if my husband has a tendency to throw his dirty clothes all over the floor, I can let him know that he just needs to be cleaner. However, do this from a place of wanting to help him and not accusing him. On the other hand, there are issues like, my husband won’t go to church or my wife doesn’t allow me to truly function as the head of our house and family. These types of heart issues are different. You can’t change their heart. Pray not only that your spouse comes to see things how they should but that you’re patient and understanding as they go through this process of deep revelation and transformation. While you can’t change your spouse, God can.
Lie: If I have a problem, I need to work on it alone.
This one was huge for me in my first year of marriage. My husband grasped this point right away. It took me some time to really get it! I brought into marriage a ton of heart issues that I had been grappling with for so long and it spilled out into how I treated Ray. He would see these things and ask me what’s wrong and how he could help and I wouldn’t accept his help. I would always say that I needed to work through these things alone.
Truth: We’re to work alongside our spouse. Adam and Ever were designed to leave their families and become united. Even more, God told Adam that He would make him a helper. At its essence, a marriage covenant is one of help and working together. As I always say, you’re a team!
While many of us say that we don’t believe any of these lies, our actions within our marriage say otherwise. Protect your marriage today and take the time to analyze your relationship and see if any of these reign true within it today. Don’t give lies the opportunity to continue to infiltrate your marriage. It’s never too late to make a change that will potentially save your marriage.
“The healthiest couples value transparency over personal privacy.”
Question: What are some beliefs that you brought into your marriage that you later found out weren’t true?