Growing up, I wasn’t raised in a Christian household. In fact, any religious exposure I had was from my Catholic grandmother. With very little knowledge of what the bible asks of a husband, I married my first wife; my current wife, Jess, is my second wife. For the lack of a godly foundation, my first marriage failed. Mark 10:9 says that what God has joined together, no one has the right to split apart. That was our first mistake.
When I met Jess, it was a time of total transformation for me when the atmosphere of my life was shifting tremendously. I had recently made the decision to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior and in an instant, I fell in love with Him and His promises. In order for this transformation to happen, though, I had to allow Him to completely remove everything I thought I knew and everything I thought I needed. He needed to build a new foundation if He was going to begin the process of rebuilding my life brick by brick. My beautiful wife was just one of those bricks that he used to add to my life.
I still have a way to go in becoming a better husband but I’ve realized that it doesn’t just happen – it’s a process I have to let happen. Still, here are a few things I’ve learned along the way about what it means to be a godly husband.
1. Love God more than you love your wife. There is a divine hierarchy that’s been established and the top is God. He’s priority and needs to come before everything else in your life. He gives you life everyday so we can come to Him for guidance and love – to be filled up. Second in the sequence is your wife. She will come before friends and even before yourself. Protect her and care for her. Next, children. Never allows your children to take second place above your wife; this can lead to her feeling neglected. When they grow up and leave your home, it’ll just be you and your wife. She’s your lifetime commitment.
2. Be a spiritual leader. We are called to be the head of the house but what does that mean? Does it mean that your above your wife and that everything you say goes? In Ephesians 5 is one of the most infamous verses because it mentions a wife’s submission to her husband. I can see how this can be misunderstood but take a look at Galatians 3:28: “And we no longer see each other in our former state – Jew or non-Jew, rich or poor, male or female – because we’re all one in spirit through our union with Jesus Christ with no distinction between us.” We may have different roles but before God, we’re one and the same. No one above the other. Don’t be blinded by what society mandates for men and women. You must open the bible and allow it to transform you into a man fit to be a husband.
3. Edit who you spend time with. Community is essential to Christ-centered marriages and this means that we may have to pull away from some of friends that we used to hang around. I’m a strong believer that we need our guy friends, don’t get me wrong. There are things you can do with your boys that you can’t do with you wife because she simply isn’t interested. However, don’t get in the habit of spending all your time with your boys at the expense of time with your wife. I’d rather lose 9 out of 10 friends if it means my wife is feeling cared for, loved, and that her cup is full.Find guys who respect that your wife comes first. Find guys who know what it means to be a godly husband and can be honest with you. If your marriage is struggling, this community is especially important. Have a support group that helps you keep the faith in the importance of doing what best for your marriage and in becoming the husband you were called to be.
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth; He created all living creatures, both male and female. When God created Adam, it was just him. Genesis 2:18 says that it wasn’t good for him to be alone. So, God made out of him a helper suitable for him. From the very beginning, He created a bond between man and woman, a unity through marriage where they become one under a three-way covenant with Him.
Let’s work at understanding the priorities and responsibilities we have as husbands and in doing so, we’ll have the capability to minister to and bless those that encounter our relationships.