Together with his wife, Julie Gottman, John Gottman is a researcher who has studied marriage and divorce for over forty years. He has authored and co-authored over 40 books and won many awards. He was the executive director of the Relationship Research Institute and ran the “Love Lab” where most of his research was conducted.
Here is a look at some of the most memorable John Gottman quotes ever recorded.
“Admit when you’re wrong. Shut up when you’re right.”
“Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.”
“Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world.”
“Conflict is an opportunity to learn to love or partner better over time.”
“Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long lasting romance. Although happily married couples may feel driven to distraction at times by their partner’s personality flaws, they still feel that the person they make is worthy of honor and respect.”
“Criticism is a relationship killer. No one can listen to personal attacks without becoming defensive.”
“It’s a myth that if you solve your problems, you’ll automatically be happy.”
“When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.”
“We have found that the success of failure of a marriage depends not on whether there is conflict, but in how conflict is handled when it does occur.”
“You don’t have to be interesting. You have to be interested.”
“What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while.”
“Contempt is the sulfuric acid of love.”
“Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial towards your spouse.”
“The Four Horsemen of the Apicultor predict a ailing marriage: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. The worst of these is contempt.”
“Real-life romance is fueled by a far more humdrum approach to staying connected. It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know that he or she is valued during the grind of every day life.”
“Couples who laugh together, last together.”
“It’s the small things done often that make a difference.”
“The magic ratio is 5:1 – as long as they’re are five positive interactions for every negative interaction, a couple can have a happy and stable relationship over time.”
“To make a relationship last: couples must become better friends, and learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes and dreams.”
“Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship, mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company.”
“What can make a relationship work is surprisingly simple. Half couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in day-to-day lives, they have hit on a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage. “
Here is a look at one of John’s top key notes where he gives his tips on making marriage work backed by his extensive research.